i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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