We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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