so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
