He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
