I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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