He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
