I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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