you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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