Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
this hospital has no fireball
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
