i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
