Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
