i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
