guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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