She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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