My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
