am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
