Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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