video games are the ultimate cock blocker
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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