is your mom at the bar?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
