Just cropdusted the office
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
They are going to name an STD after you.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
