i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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