Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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