Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
