So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
