During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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