Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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