Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The Olympian is in my bed
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
