Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
