How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
