I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
