thus making me awesome and them whores
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
