gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
