I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
