Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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