i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
