Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
