Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
