I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
