Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
