So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
