i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
