the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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