Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
