is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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