He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
