I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
