haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
