How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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