i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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