im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
