In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
