I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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