never play flip cup with pint glasses
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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